Worried
by wheniwrite
Summary: So, they slept with each other. Loki is worried about the whole thing and his feelings. Tony is worried about his feelings and about Loki. How will this end? Just a little bit of angst, lot of smut and of course happy ending.


**Well, I was thinking about their relationship and it has turned out like this.**

**Enyoj and R&R pleas :)**

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_**Worried**_

I slept with Tony. I just had sex with my, well yes – an ex-enemy, but still. That shouldn't happened. How did it happen? I'm not sure. He's so damn good with tricking people. That should be my work. I was supposed to give him that kind of smiles when you're not sure about their meaning, the smirks that make you shiver, that lustful look every time I saw him. It was supposed to be me who trick the poor mortal. Play with him, mess with him, and make him feel like toy.

Well, he can be happy now, he had has sex with me and I was bottoming (and how that happened?!). Yes, shame on me. Bud dear Odin, _it felt so good_. He's so... he's like a drug. He's mysterious, dangerous and you know you should keep away, but when he gets you, he won't let go. I'm not really excited, but I think, I like this, this kind of passion. It's different from my other experiences and I'm sure I have more of them than he will ever had, but he is sure about what is he doing that it doesn't even give you chance to protest or think about it.

And always when everything is over I feel used, dirty and satisfied but guilty that I have done it again... and again. It has happened so many times that I stopped counting it. I don't even want to know the number of my fails. Every time, every night I promise myself not to do it anymore. But then he comes to me and I'm enjoying every bit of our ride.

It should be my work, to make this – whatever it is – complicated. Make him difficult about what I think and why I fucked with some mortal that isn't important for me. But he's the only one doing it. It's driving me crazy. His smile, his hair, his scent, his eyes, his hands, his heart... it should be mine. I want him for myself, to be selfish, have something that others won't take from me or will be expecting that I'll share. I wish he know all of this when we're having sex, so we can call it love making. I wish he can see it in my eyes before he kiss me.

I'm god and he's human, it should be obvious who has the control here. But I don't mind he has it. I just want to look at him without the feeling of guilt. I want this to be something more than sex, want to be more than fuck buddy for him, want him to love me. And I wish I have courage to tell him.

* * *

I slept with Loki. The first time was perfect, he's wild and his magic is pulsing pure energy around us when we're having sex. He's so addictive for me. I can't be without him; I want to hold him, to kiss him, to look into those beautiful eyes. I want him say my name when we're like one body. I want hear his whisper in my ear telling me he wants more... and more. I didn't think I'll be able to trick him into this, but it happened and I regret nothing. I would give anything for his moans and the feel when I touch his skin.

I suppose he has more experience than I have. And maybe because I know this from the start I was trying my best. Whenever I'm near him I'm telling myself to stop but my body always do otherwise. I don't give him any chance to think about it. As I know myself, or how Pepper would say, I'm scared. I know I'm.

I don't want to lost him, give up or let him go. When I see him with someone else my mind is screaming with pain. When he smiles my heart starts beating so fast that I'm afraid it will jump from my chest. And when he gave that smile to other person, I can feel my blood boil. Everything in me says he's mine, and I'm trying to fight it. This feeling is so close to something dangerous. There should be no emotions, just sex. Just pure passion that I can only feel with him.

I shouldn't do this to him. It's not fair. I'm playing with him; because I'm scared of my true feelings (did I really say it?). It should be different. I wish to have him by my side when I wake up, to touch him in front of the others, to see something in his eyes, to hear something that will save my heart, I wish he could love me. Because I do...

* * *

_Maybe I'm just toy for him. Another person without meaning. It hurts. It hurts so bad I don't know if I'll be able to take this anymore. I wish I could see something in his actions, in his eyes, in his touches – anything that will give me reason to... hope. _

He acts different. More sadly if it's possible. I hope I'll find courage to tell him before he'll get bored of this. I'm sick of myself, why am I doing this to him? But it won't be like this forever, I promise. I'll tell him... I must.

_Anthony acts different. I see something in his eyes, but I'm not sure what it is. I only wish he isn't getting bored of me. _

I'll say it. I can't wait anymore. If he'll end this, my heart will stop beating. Who needs it, when the only one doesn't want you?

* * *

I knocked on his door. He let me in. He always does so. I saw the sad expression and it was tearing my heart apart. But it was still beating; he would be the one who decides this.

This night was beautiful, he was perfect and his magic felt so... strong. This time I didn't want this to be only sex, so I decided to make love to him. And I prayed to anyone who is listening he won't push me away. He didn't, he held on me like I was the only thing in the world and it felt right. It felt right to hold him so close, to feel his heart pounding.

We were lying on the bed breathless. He seems satisfied, but then came shade over his face and his eyes were empty again. No, not this. I grabbed his wrist and pull him closer. There was surprise and then... he hugged me. He held me tight and was shaking. Suddenly I realized – he was crying – quiet sobs and hot tears.

I reached my hand and slowly lifted his chain up. His watery eyes were full of emotions and for moment I thought I'll start crying too. But I didn't, I put my lips against his soft and gave everything into the one kiss. When we separated the tears were falling again and he looked scared. I kissed him again and smiled.

* * *

He came to my room and I let him in – again. I was afraid of this. What if he comes to end this? I won't be able to keep my hear together if he does. But nothing like that came out. He was gently and I felt like crying every moment he slowly thrust into me. I was holding on him tight, I was scared that he'll leave me again and I didn't want that. My magic was acting crazy and I felt every emotions mixing in me.

Then it was over. I felt the satisfaction slowly going away. But suddenly there was fingers around my wrist and Anthony pulled me into himself. I hugged him and start crying. I wasn't able to stop it. The feelings were too strong and I was too weak and tired to fight them.

He looked into my teary eyes and then kissed me in way that I probably stopped breathing. There was everything in the kiss, every bit of his emotions. I started cry again, it felt beautiful, but I was sure it was only for this time. But in his eyes was something that was saying otherwise. He kissed me again.

I love you, Loki.

It was four simple words, and look at me – I didn't know what to do. Does he mean it? I looked away and back at him again. Yes, he was saying true. So I risked it.

I love you, too.

And both of their hearts stopped beating with fear and started with happiness.

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**So, what do you think? Bad? Good? (Don't kill me for my english, please :))**


End file.
